I'm scared to do, say, wear, be the things I want.
I think they are only for thin, fit, beautiful people. I do nothing and cry. Quietly.
I'm scared of being seen caring about or doing something and having it labeled as bad or funny because I'm fat.
It's paralyzing.
I'm frequently worried that someone is looking at me and taking pictures or pointing me out to make fun of. But if I express that I'm scared of this, the most frequent advice is to either not care or to lose weight. Because it's my fault for existing the way I do and I need to change.
I just want to feel safe existing. I don't.
To be perfectly honest, this shelter in place has been almost pleasant because I don't have to be seen. I'm so scared of having to go back out there.
