P.S.

my life sucks, according to the internet

the light shine from the window

Gnawing pit in my stomach. I don't want to be here at all. Today is one of those horrible awful no good very bad days. I really think i get too many of those, considering how hard i try to be a good happy well adjusted person.

I have trouble concentrating on this newsmeeting. Aman is saying something about how janitors aren't paid much. Well. . . yeah, of course not, they are janitors.

GATTACA was a great movie. I can never talk about jantitors without thinking about that movie.

Mr. Wong was a great teacher. He taught all of us so much.

I sill change my toothbrush every two weeks thanks to him.

my mind is in free association mode right now without much cause for being that way.

I want to go home, curl into a little ball of Krista and pretend the world doesnt exist for a few more days.

i have this twitching muscle in my thigh. It's really weird. and uncomforatable.

I look adorable today. Wearing my socks always raise my mood but with a day like today it really doesn't make much of a difference. I have my green and navy blue socks.

Jerome is talking to Anna. I can't saying anything in this room and get paid attention. Anna says anything and everyone is all ears. If people paid that much attention to me. . . well, i would try to find a way to abuse the power. Heh, of course. I'm Krista.

I feel so fake still. like there is still something about myself i can't be true to. I don't know why i have this mental block around people. As soon as i talk to anyone i have facade after facade after facade covering and changing anything i want to say. I can't think this way. My life is a big joke it feels.

I can't even concentrate on what i'm thinking here. My thoughts are everywhere and i can't even conciously try to grasp at what I'm thinking or it is gone.

Emo emo emo emo, what is wrong with me? I sound like some HIM fan going on and on about how life in an empty abyss of nothing.

KOTOR is awesome. I'm finishing up my evil campaign. Really, character reactions are a lot cooler when one is an evil jedi. Nothing is more badassed than walking down the street with a dual-sided lightsaber.

rethink

i thought i would never talk to him again. I was angry and i wanted him out. . . of. . . my. . . life.

And now I just got out of his car, walked around my house and climbed back in my window, wincing at the hickies on my chest and smelling like man.

I think i had the right idea at first. I'm pretty sure my life would be better if i had just not seen him, had i left it with what made me mad, that i am JUST this to him. He convinces me, he always charms me. Blegh.

I need someone normal in my life, i someday, hopefully.

I'm at omers house but there is not a omer here. There is Gabe Scott and Calvin, but no omer

So today was supposed to be the day of the vampire but there just isn't because Anna called and now I'm just here with the boys and yes I know Omer is a boy but it is easier with him around because he is bloody fucking Omer.

I think I kinda mightish maybe have some sorta crush on Scott. Maybe. He really isn't good enough for me but he is here. We are playing Soul Caliber III but well, I'm not right now because I'm blogging on the laptop. You know how I do.

there is a reason I titled this fucking thing "retreat". . . Because I fucking use it like one.

I kinda hate being here right now. I love Gabe but these guys are kinda stupid and listening to them talk is just making me angry. Well. Like not really, but in a sorta "I could be doing something so much more productive" way. Not to say that i'm top of the intellectual food chain but I'm a step up from present company, Gaboon excluded. Though I wouldn't say no to sloppy one-time-only make-outs with Scott.

oh. . . we cockified Omers computer. Man, that was fun. I really want to be playing vampire right now. Not listening to this crap. Calvins laugh is exceptionally annoying.

so I've been listening to so much deerhoof. I swear that shit is on crack but I love it. I started reading IT again. Such a wonderful book. I mean, the writing is eh but the story is pure genius.

Krista could be doing so much better. meh.