Current Music: Pedro the Lion - Promise
It's not that today i feel any worse than i have any other day. Really, just yesterday i felt amazing. Tonight i didnt feel any worse, i just felt the need, the want bubbling up in my mind. I know that it is disgusting and that it only makes me more so damaged goods(as if i weren't damaged enough). Sometimes, it is the single thought on my mind. I need it and i cant think without it. Though i can't type while like this, i keep missing keys because my fingers dont move right. He would never like a girl like me, a girl who can't even control herself. I wouldn't want a girl like me, too many issues.
I cut. again. I hadn't for almost a year but here i am. I can tell where i even went out to get a new razor because mine was dull. I'm a little dissapointed in myself and i know that so many people are going to be dissapointed in me as well. I just, i dont care. At this point in my life, no one else can try to help me without me explicitely wanting them to. I can call off the hospital right now, refuse to leave and stay away from doctors and meds and everything, just deal with things my way, no matter how wrong others think it is. God, okay, my head is a little spinny so, i'm off.
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