Forgive for I have sinned

[mood]grateful and sustained
[music]Maria by Green Day and Friend is a Four Letter Word by Cake

Well, I am so grounded. For bad bad grades I lost the internet. For cutting school back while mom and dad were out of the country, I am not allowed out of the house. I am going stir crazy. At least friends are allowed to come over here, which is the only plus I can see for miles around. I get to go get my hair dyed again today. I don't what I'm going to get done yet but I am definitely going to get my hair dyed a base color like my own natural shade of brown. Because most of my friends have never seen me with dark brown hair. Losers, hah. Okay, so I read this comic called Burning Hope on the Matrix site. It is really good. I also downloaded the 160 page preview of the comic book about The Matrix. I want to buy the actual book. Which I will, since mom owes me a bunch of money anyway. Bwuahah, that is pretty cool. So I have the best friends ever. Why, or more like how, did such a mean, bitchy, violent person like me get such good friends? It makes no sense. But I'm lucky, so I will not doubt my amazing friends. And now I know Bryan does not read this blog so I am a little more comfortable. I don't think any of those three guys do read this. I guess Elis knows it is here but he doesn't read the blogs, just the quote bar. I really need to clean my keyboard. I am typing from bed. And I am naked. Which is normal. Those of you who know me or talk to me online know that I am rarely clothed. Ha, funny shiz. You know, I was never really aware of how comfortable I am with me, my body and my sexuality until I met people who aren't and who get weird around people who are. Makes me feel lucky to not have to work around what I want to say to avoid certain words, topics and the such. I just don't want anyone to see me without clothes. Hell, even Ashley has seen only one of my boobs and that was an accident and will never happen again as long as I am sober and fully conscious. And I plan on being sober for at least another couple years. That will be one of the situations, when I finally do get drunk i mean, where you want to warn the fish. Man, no is going to get that but you Ashley. Haha, and that is the way I like it. Well, I missed the hockey play-off last night, but we won so that is all good. I could really care less but just barely. Except that it makes Ian happy and that is a good thing. If I could ever have a super power, it would be dimming. You know, become not invisible but unnoticable. I could fit in and walk around just like any normal person and be forgotten because I would be so unremarkable. Man, if only I could have a super power. Ha, if I had powers I would so use them for evil and personal gain. Most the time at least, I might help someone else every once in a while, but only if they are good, I like them and I am not too busy. It is not my fault they don't have powers too. Ha, wow, I am so mean. Damn Skippy. I am hungry. The last thing I had to east was two slices of pizza yesterday in the early evening. And that was all I had that day besides Mountain Dew. I have two bruises on my right breast and I don't know why or from where. I also have a bruise on my right arm and my right thigh. I really need to be more careful. Eh, bruises are temporary, just like any other sign of pain, it will fade with enough time. Or so I hope and all. I am making collages/wallpapers now. I'm going crazy with Photoshop. I think I'm getting better too. Basically, when I didn't have internet for a few days I had to do something else to keep from tearing myself apart. Mostly when I was angry. Which happens more than you would think. I can see myself in the mirror on my door while I am on my bed. That is kinda cool. I should probably get dressed now. I have another hour till I'm supposed to be at my hair thing which is all the way downtown. I swear, if I never had to go do anything, I would blog forever. I never run out of things to say, which is a trend I follow at school too. I talked with Bryan on the phone the other day for three hours. Mind you, it was mostly him talking. I love hearing him talk because, even on the phone, I can just see him making all those gesticulations. I even told him what he was doing with his left hand while he said "I don't know" and it was like a mini-epiphany. It isn't just that I love to hear him talk, I really enjoy talking with him. As you can see, I am a bit long-winded, and I love to talk, I never stop, which gets some teachers mad sometimes. But, when I am talking with Bryan, I don't feel like I need to keep filling in all the air with my words. I can sit and not say a goddamned thing. And it is never an uncomfortable silence, at least I don't think so. It doesn't hurt that he says what nobody else will say to me and he never acts like he is sorry for me about certain things that people tend to coddle me about. I am so freaking lucky to have friends like the ones I have. So many different people who all are so amazing in so many ways. Why do they like me? I will never know. Okay, I really do need to go get some clothes on now. Ha, I'm still naked, of course.