Again... Again... Recycle emotion

Up late, even though i have a long day tomorrow. Tomorrow will be my first deadline day and. . . my. . . I am very into the newspaper thing already. And Akim. *slouch* i dont really know. i mean. no, i dont really mean anything. This, this whole thing with him, is self-destructive, which is probably why i like it. Me makes me think things about myself that i would rather not believe. Like how impulsive my true nature is. I cant handle anything long term like this, but it isnt really anything so i cant end it and i dont really want to. Lately the desire to up and take a bus to L.A. and having ridiculous sex with Akim for a weekend has been drifting into my daydreams. I miss th treatment he would give me, making me feel good about myself and like i was a beautiful person, like all those pictures of people i see. i need to stop fooling myself