sleeep...

This is my token post to let you know I'm still alive. I am so tired. I put a new picture on friendster. I took it with Heathers new (then) camera on the second to last day of school. Anyway. Jerome hasn't talked to me since... Would I be acting too needy if I said that I think he must of looked the picture of me and ran away in horror screaming masculien(sp) screams? Probably, so I wont say it. It's being left unsaid... yes, yes it is. Dont say it. He must have. NO! You are not a needy little piece of shit girl who goes all fatal fucking attraction on someone you don't even know. Well I do know him, just not conventionally. Knowing someone on the internet does not mean you know them. Remember that creepy guy from Texas who tried to get you that way? He might not have even been from Texas. Why would he tell the truth? He doesn't have to. Either way that was scary. I don't want that again. So. I don't know Jerome. Hopefully, i just don't know him yet. But i could meet him and we could be completly on different pages. He could quite concivibly be not thinking of this in the same way you are. You know how your'e thinking of this. As something romantic. Stupid assumption on your part. Sure he said he would look away from the misgivings of your questionable past, integrity and sexuality. You are so fucking stupid if you think that means he wants to hold your hand or kiss you or kiss you more or more. Just because that's what you see. Stupid shit you are. Hell he may not want to talk to you anymore at all. Just because he said you would never be annoying to him doesn't change a damn thing. Mr. Texas 1999 didn't have anything against lying to you.... You are stupid to hold on to a guy who you don't know and presents himself as ideal. What has he ever done wrong according to him? He was a druggie for a year, but he quit, making him even more flawless. Who is flawless? Nobody. You don't know anything about someone untill you know their worsts. Untill you know exactly how bad they have been can you tell how good they are. To be perfect is to be fake. You said yourself, you dont want to meet fake people. You wanted to meet authentic people. Stop with your net thing and turn off the AIM and get back to what matters. The real people. Who say the worng thing sometimes. Who change for the worst. Who love you. LOVE! Not just another internet buddy. Sure maybe Jerome is real, just not the Jerome i know right now. he isn't real in my mind yet. He is too flawless. Not perfect. Perfect has flaws that accent your own, play each other up and generally are the One. Heather is a perfect friend for me. Ashley was the perfect friend for me at one point in my life and i will always love her for that. Pieter is a perfect friend for Daniel. i think im going to turn my computer off. And my cell phone. And after tommorow, i will refuse all calls. this will go on untill i decide. For those of you who read this, let everyone else know, so they dont feel bad. I wouldnt want anyone to feel hurt. I would expect the same. I guess this post was a little more than I expected.


Love,

CMaZ