Current Music: Death of an Interior Decorator - Deathcab for Cutie
If you visited yesterday, you already noticed I, uh, sorta changed things around a little more than I usually do. Being home 95% of the day does this to me. Too much time to think about myself and the like. I've been too disappointed in myself lately. Also, I'm a little perturbed at how people, okay, a person, will claim to want to know what I'm thinking. I don't do well telling people things because I become very emotional and anything I want to say gets lost in all the rubbish that comes out of my mouth. People act like they really want to know what is going on in this little twisted mind of mine but, really, all they want is to see what I have to say about them, personally. It comes to a point that I have to weed out words I type, essentially censor my thoughts, so that no one is offended. My blogs are for me. Anyone who reads is simply observing. I like my friends to know it is there to read because I know that, sometimes, I can be confusing since I cannot take direct confrontation. I hate talking to people. I'm awful at it. I'm awkward and weird and I never get a chance to say what I mean at all. And the stupidest shit comes out too, things that even I would refute if I heard someone say it. But, hey, that's me, a bundle of contradictions and a heaping helping of baggage.
God, I hate myself sometimes. Doesn't stop me from staying alive though, no matter how often the thought flits through my mind.
-waiting for something to go wrong
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