Current Music: Muse - Unintended
It seems that, whenever I feel at my worst and I just want to curl up in my bed and ignore life (sometimes, like today, while I am in the process of doing just that), Jaime calls me. Of course, being in that state means I really don't want to be cheered up and I tend to ignore the call until I can actually talk to her like a normal human being without sobbing like I really really want to. I've been having weird dreams lately. Not nightmares, thank god, but dreams that make me contemplate what I want from anything. Why am I bothering with the things I do. Is anything really worth me spending any attention on? I don't particularly dislike these dreams, I just don't like them like I do my dreams of the Other Place. I write about here as the Other Place sometimes in those dreams. I wish, sometimes that was real. Other times I wish this was real. Confusion. Wonder. You know how it is.
I kinda am in a state of stressed the fuck out. I just don't want to have to talk to people but I need to get some of my thoughts out of my head and out there. But, of course, saying or writing what I really think means confrontation which means more stress which means more writing and more yelling and more of me alone and crying alone and wishing that my head and my thoughts weren't like this. Like if I don't get things out I am going to explode into so many pieces. But, everyone seems to just want to pick apart at whatever is sorta kinda about them and hate me for it. Because, my thoughts aren't important unless they offend you.
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