Current Music: Echo & the Bunnymen - The Killing Moon
worst mood imaginable. Things from life are going downhill, faster and faster. Seems personal tragedy follows the snowball effect. Seems like every last thing I love, want, or care for will be causing me pain. At this rate, my second grade teacher will be giving me a call tomorrow to let me know she didn't really think I was a smart cookie at all and, in fact, she thought I was the dumbest crumb she had ever seen.
I have my dead rat sitting on my desk, wrapped in a burial shroud for tomorrow. Taking him up to the hills for a burial. It was my dads' idea and I just happen to really like it. I kinda hate the state of mind I am in right now. It feels as if nothing is going my way at all and I just sorta want to sit in my room, in the dark, with my razors and contemplate what it means to be alive. Which, really, isn't all that much to think about. I want to forget that I am pathetic. I want to feel important and cared about. But it seems like the more I withdraw from everyone around, the more smoothly things run. I know that none of my friends really need me. I'm worse than useless in our group. I'm the squat ugly one who makes things uncomfortable with her problems. Beautiful people can have problems because they at least contribute by being goodlooking. Someone like me with problems is just useless because then you have temporary focus on someone like me. I'm such a waste of time and space. I don't want to do anything at all anymore. I don't want to play Vampire, I don't want to go to school and I really don't want to have to deal with my problems right now. All I want is to get back to my quiet time when no one would pretend to care about me before changing subject , when I didn't have any friends but, at least, I knew I wasn't cared for, instead of always having to wonder when the ball will be dropping on my head and I will no longer be welcome.
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