Confirm Nothing

Current Music: Alles Sehen - Ellen Allien

Tweaked the date and time for this to be Thursday because it is two AM on Friday morning and it just doesn't feel like it should be Friday yet. So bloody hell with that.

I am so not in the mood to be doing anything with my life right now. I'm just moving through and making the motions. I don't want to laugh or talk or smile and I keep doing these things now because if I don't then it will be obvious I don't want to. I don't want to see anyone. Hell, seeing anyone is giving me a feeling of inadequacy. I feel awful as soon as I get to school. I spend my entire morning telling myself, making myself believe that things will get better and each morning I start to believe myself until I am reminded that no one at that damn school really cares about me in more than a short passing manner. No one seems concerned with me. Not that, you know, they ever did unless it was something that would make for interesting drama or that would lead to me moving out. Even the concern for my living arrangements was so someone could have free reign of a place outside the view of their parents. Honestly, if I did have my own place, I would want anyone having sex in it, drinking or getting high., Respect. It's a funny thing.

Or, maybe I'm just being a prude. I really wouldn't know, would I? Whatever. I'm just sick of feeling useless and unwanted.