Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know? Okay, I liked this song even when it was Britney Spears doing it. I still like it. Is it weird that I don't stop liking bands? I like them for, pretty much, ever. I still like a lot of N'Sync's music, and Justin is rockin. Man, I like to dance to his new stuff. I guess I'm weird. Whatever. My loneliness is killing me, and I must confess, I still believe. Goddamn, this song is a lot sadder than I gave it credit for. Bowling for Soup made it sound better, I think.
so, beyond all that music talk, today... And yesterday. Well, Sunday, nothing much happened. I stayed home, didn't shower and just simply felt sorry for myself. And today, you may ask? Well, not too much happened. Actually that isn't so true. I went to school, first period drama was boring we just watched this Goldie Hawn movie about some girl going to the army. This movie really sucks except for in the beginning when the ladies husband is all an asshole and tells her has a "headache". Man, that was a hoot. "this isn't an aspirin type of headache," oh man, that was so classic. I didn't do much in drama except talk to Willie, Andre and john. Second period Spanish one (my third year of Spanish one) was okay. I'm still getting an A in the class, I got a perfect score on my Family Tree (good, this is the third one I have done) and I know I am so ready for the final this year. I have it down. Hell, I could probably do the whole freaking exam without the actual test paper. Break was amusing, as always. Stood around, joked and just relaxed for a few minutes before third period. Third period Bio rolls around. This is one of my favorite classes. I yell at some kid for accidentally flicking an eraser at my back. I talk with Bryan about his girl. We discuss eyes, eyesight and my freakish changing color eyes. Adrian acts like a dork and amuses me. Ha, he treats me like shit cause he thinks I like him. Yeah, that will be the day. Bryan doesn't know what to do about this girl he likes. I swear, he should just transfer to Independence, get the girl, and live happily ever on. Marisa told me about the whole Matt deal that happened at her birthday party, the one I was supposed to go to but didn't cause I went to Romero's. Sounds like a big hairy deal, what with her breaking up with him multiple times in the same night and Matt dissolving into tears. Poor bastard. He seemed like a nice guy too. You know? Oh well, he was too clingy for her anyway. I had some birthday cake in Bio cause Marisa had some and, what the hell, cake is good. Fourth period Sociology and I find out my grade in that class. I got a B. A straight, solid B. Not bad. I could do better but I was absent a bit and missed some stuff. Though a B is still pretty good. I talked with Jonathan about our respective weekends and such. I chatted a little with Tarika and basically sat around. My group's presentation of our dream High School was, by far, the best. Our poster rocked the house. Amber is getting on my nerves, though I don't hate her. She is cool, just yeah. She thinks we are a tad bit closer than we are. Lunch break is extremely amusing. We discuss the marketing and practical options of dehydrated penises (peni). Then we talk about what the supposed texture of this peni would be. We figure it would be sopping wet, flacid-ish and could be used as a squirt gun of sorts when fully soaked. At one point Elis hugged me and I said something along the lines of "at least your fly wasn't open this time" and he, of course, unzips his fly and spreads it open. Before the Albanian Gangsta might make a get-away, I turn away. Yes, I was peni-whipped by Elis. Man oh man, what is the world coming to. Ah, Bryan hung out with us at lunch today. He refused to join the circle, which sparked many jokes and gags. Me and Ashley declared our love for each other, which is always fun. Fifth period U.S. History was boring, as usual. Mr. Romero is so freaking boring. He is just showing us a movie and having us take notes. BAH! I didn't even need the movie to take my notes, I already knew all that shit. English 3 is my last class of the day, at sixth. We went over what we had to know for the final and I think it will be a cinch. I remembered everything Mr. Guerra was talking about. After school I was walking around with Ashley, Steven and David. Then I was walking with Heather, Pieter, Daniel, Willie and Roseana for a while. Then Ashley dragged me off with her, Steven and David again. We walked around. Didn't do much. I then realized I was walking Ashley home with Steven. Works for me. Me and Steven jack a couple of realty signs Mexican style. We walk through some elementary school and David walked off home. Me, Ashley and Steven were having a grand old time. We get to Ashley's house and I don't know how to get home. Me and Steven dial furiously, looking for someone who would drive us home to no avail. We say goodbye to out mutual love and walk off towards out homes since we, Steven and I, live all of a block away from each other. All goes fine, he is telling me the streets so I can get safely home on my own if need ever be again. Then, he gets the bright idea of cutting out walk off by a few minutes by going through the creek. I figured, oh, it wont be that bad, it will be like walking along Alum Rock without all that mountain stuff. No, not at all. First, we have to jump a fence, which isn't that bad at all, I'm not too bad at that, you know. I should have been worried because, at that point, Steven tells me " I'm impressed, Ashley never would go this way" or something similar and to that effect. I don't think anything of it until he tells me to follow his steps exactly and to always hold on to the fence. I follow and I find myself inching along a five inch wide strip of concrete that hold me above serious injury or death on the concrete below. I inch along and Steven gets the end and starts brushing the ground off. He then sits down and makes a freaking 8-9 foot jump from out concrete to the concrete below and I see him land on his feet on the slanted cement below and run to keep the extra momentum from breaking his bones. Arggh, I know I cannot to do that. I sit there for a while and tell him that I just am not that type of Mexican, I am the Tia type of Mexican. I sit at home and cook and am sweet and such. Well, I wont jump soon enough for him, so he brings a rope tied around the other side, streches out, hands it to me and I wrap it around a metal pole on my side. I then try to hold myself on the rope and with my foot in a tiny like hole in the 90 degree angled cement wall I am sitting on. I then figure, what the hell, get my ass off of the damn cement and find myself dangling, by a harsh yellow rope and with my foot no longer able to find that fucking hole. I hold there a second, think that I am an idiot, and let go a little so I can slide down. Well. It didn't turn out nearly as graceful as you think it would. The rope rips away a fair amount of skin on my right hand and leaves the rest of the skin blistered. And I land on my ass. Steven asks me if I am alright and I say "yeah, that was actually pretty fun". I then notice my hand and show him. He winces and mentions how much he can imagine that hurts. I then explain to him how I don't really register as much pain as most people. We talk for the whole walk after that. He is an alright kid. I mean, we argued like we always do with Ashley but it just petered out each time we did and it was just like regular talking, no harsh feelings. Very odd. I didn't even get in trouble with my family for being home so late without calling home. They were just, oh, glad you're home, we made chicken, you can eat whatever you want. Then I made mom get on Annie's case for wearing "sex bracelets" which was mighty fun. Well yes and my body damage for today comes to; one fat bruise on my left arm, two blisters on my right hand index finger, two skin abrasions of mild severity on my right middle finger, one deeper (yet smaller) abrasion on the top of my right index finger, abrasions to my left elbow of no severity and mild abrasions to my left leg. It was so much fun though. I never did anything like that when I was young. I was always reading. And I have to say I really enjoyed being out walking for the whole day, going on different streets, trying new (slightly illegal) stunts and just talking. It was... Refreshing. I feel a lot better from these injuries than any other self-inflicted one. Yeah, and I tested that. I tried to see which felt better, cutting my arm with my razor or the abrasions on my hand. Yeah, the hand injuries won out. Hands down. I think I just found my new addiction. I just have to find a way to keep it up. Oh, I am going to the Psychiatrist tomorrow. Should be amusing, to say the least. I have been just a little worse since I was put on medication. I feel better but the whole hurting thing is worse by a bit. Yeah, that and I got a new Psychiatrist and my mom is trying to get a list of psychologists I can use on the medical plan we have. And on Wednsday, mum is going to be talking to Mrs. Mestaz about what I can do about the whole school thing. We are thinking GED and Junior College. Which is perfect for me. I don't care about school functions, I don't want to go to my proms and there is nobody who I really care about at the school who I wouldn't be able to see anywhere else. That and JC would let me get my grades that I screwed up in high school up. Meeting new people. So many more elective courses. Why do I feel like I am trying to convince myself? Who knows what will happen. I will miss everyone if I do leave. Even if I can see them someplace else, it would never be the same. But I have to do what is right. And that means some sort of sacrifice. Even if I can tell myself I am not giving anything up, I am if I do.