too fucking pissed for titles or pictures.
Argh... Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I hate people. I hate trying. Even when I am trying my hardest, nobody cares. goddamnit. I hate this shit. If you are so fucking perfect, great for you, I'm not. I have my own ways. I have my own system. I have what works for me. And I DON'T need to be judged by your hypocritical ass because I am able to confront something we all do but deny. I am so sick of being judged. I make who I am, I don't need you to label me. I guess I am just another two dimensional fun. Maybe if people reject to writing in a journal online they ought not read them. I have no other journal. I cant write very well if I know that no one will ever read it. Why the fuck am I justifying myself? I don't need to speak up for shit. What I do is what I do. How I cope is how I cope. If you want to know, you can know. I wont let it show, I wont say, I tried to tell one person, one person and he said to me that it wasn't funny and it wasn't cool. People think you would forget the things you say to them but I remember it all. Goddamnit. I thought I could share to someone's face. I thought I could. damnit I cant though. I write letters you will never read, I write poems Morgan will never hear. I write them here. I write them so maybe someone else can be who I wanted to be. Can see where I went wrong. And why the hell and I justifying again? fuck it all. I am so sick of this. I cant stand all of this shit. I don't want to have to suck it in and take your abuse. But I do. I take your abuse out of me some how you fucking bitches. You tell me to stop but you are only the fuel for the fire. You try and stomp out the only other alternative I have, tell me that it is stupid, I cant have my blog I cant be open I have to hide I have to keep it all in myself. Fuck you, I am going to get it out one way or another.


GRAND JUSTICE
You judge my life
my clothes my friends
Based on nothing
you guess who I am
by how I look
what you should see
is my soul
my thoughts, and pains
then you might understand
what it means to me
to be who I am
day in and out
why I laugh and smile
or cry and pout
at the injustice of you


2:48 PM 10/4/02
I'M JUST PEACHY KEEN
I damn myself and all my old lies.
How I try too fucking hard to be,
someone loved by all of you guys.
Its killing me inside now, cant you see?
I hate all of myself all of every day
I am being someone who I'm definitely not.
but when you see me its all okay
I think that all I want is my scars to infect and rot
and all that I'll say to you now
is I'm okay I'm fine and I'm alright.
All I can wonder now is, how?
How didn't you know I was in a fight?
I had to fight me for my own goddamn life
because me was unfair, me fought with a knife