Out away gone

Have you ever felt like nobody cares anymore? That it was all of a sudden far too easy to push everyone in your life away? That you are already in the process of being replaced? I think I am. I mean, I don't know why everything fell apart. People got too sick of seeing me whine. I never tried to force how I felt on anybody. I sit there for as long as I can to let people tell me how they feel. It doesn't even matter if this is my closest friend or some half-way aquiantince friend. I do my best and listen to everything they have to say. I give my all in advice, I try to help, I follow up and try to be as kind as I can. I do my best for these people and they thank me. But when I have a problem everybody is so easily gone. I don't want to talk but I want someone to listen. I wish that I wasn't so annoying. I guess everybody wants me to sit there for them and help them and listen and change their minds, tell them that their is some thing worth living for, that somebody cares. I sit there and listen and change their minds. I sit there and tell them that they matter. But nobody wants to listen to me. Nobody changes my mind. I think they want to let me rot in my own mind hell. I was never important enough to be bothered with. I told everyone to fuck off and they did. I remember when Morgana told me she hated me. I sat at the computer for as long as it took to get what was wrong out of her. And she was the one to start all of it. She even blocked me and I switched SNs, I did whatever I could to make her mind better to help whatever could be wrong with her. She wanted me to hate her. And I couldn't. I couldn't just let her go. And she wasn't even my best friend. Now, I have a problem in my mind that I cant get over and she tells me to shut up and get over it. I guess I should but, what the hell, fuck her too. I hate people who do something to make any of my friends upset but now I cant stand to even look at David and Ashley just tells me to get over it too, she doesn't want to have to choose. Well, fine, I wont make her choose. I will do it for her. I left and nobody cares. Nobody minds the mess I made in my mine. All is fine and dandy for everyone but me and that passes just well for everyone else. I want to hurt myself again so bad. I want to tear at my wrists I want to stab my thighs I want to rip out all my hair I want to punch walls and kick anything. I want to get this pain out of my body so badly. I am doing everything I can to keep from crying when I wake up. And nobody cares. I haven't gone to school in two days and I want to stay out on Monday too. I don't want to have to dodge people in the halls. I don't want to have to smile for some random person I see. I hate everything and being immersed in the very embodiment of all that I loathe is not so good for my morale. I think my passing has gone unnoticed. As far as I can tell, Ashley could be happy I am finally gone. I wont steal her shine, I wont stop her from being all she can be, I wont make her be my friend anymore. I wont be anything. She has whoever she wants to be her friend. Who knows. I am almost jealous. But I am me. I am alone. I am out. I am gone from you. I wont be whining and complaining because you hurt me again. I am sorry that all I do is bitch about how unhappy I am. I didn't mean to make all of you happy people feel guilty and such and such. I just wanted to be loved. But nothing is eternal but love and nothing is eternal.