Some times I think I am the only one to understand the complications of human emotion. Is it true? Am I the only one? If so, take me now, kill me now, I don't want to breathe now. Nobody seems to see my mind but I see you so clearly. You want to, you don't. I want to but cant. The ball was to you and you threw it away. Now I cant play. I'm alone every day. Make me mad, make me bleed. Hold me down, I wont breathe. You make me want to throw it away. Make me want to give it all up. To chance everything but you for you. I am now killing my soul for a chance you may go. Leave me alone. I want you to leave. I don't need to see how happy you will be without me. I don't want to but must walk on my own. To keep my sanity I have to risk what I need. You held me warm. I want you near. I cant sit close without smelling your hair. I think of you daily, almost every hour. I know you don't care. I need not, but I dare, to keep it inside so you can slide. Away from me. Into you I want to be. But she is what you want to need. No commitment for me, I'm not human, you see. I am something that is made, something made for his fun. I have nothing more to me than three double C's. Turn me off, flip my switch, my program was made with too many a glitch. You want me to screw, to suck and to fuck. I was built with my morals and want to be loved. I want you with me. I wish it was me that you held so long alone. I wish you would show others my photo and say, she is mine. I will love her for as long as I know time. I'm so pathetic you see, that I know this will never be but I wont abort my thoughts. I wont leave it alone. I I want to know it that which you gave away. Too many before and many more after. I am everything to you that I don't want to be. Everything to you that I don't want to be. I want you for you. You want me for me. Why is it not working, why is there another "she"? Is she really all that much better than me?
god, I want to die, right now. I am so alone and fuck, David, David, David just die. I think I am wrong, I think I am lost. All that I needed was your touch. You held me so close, you squeezed me so tight. I thought I might be special. I thought you cared. I thought I was more. I thought it was important. I thought you had a reason. You have a girlfriend now... I don't know her name. I don't think I want to. TO give a name to her would make her so much more human. To mean she is better, there is a girl there with you who is better than me. Meaning there are a lot more of them out there. Meaning I am gone to you. I never have another chance. To treat you like shit so you don't feel I am your girlfriend. You didn't want commitment, you said. You lied. You didn't want me. So much of it was a lie. I wish you told me, I so don't like you, I think you are repulsive, I think you stink, I think you are nothing, a boy, smelly, rotten, bitch. Anything but make me feel the way I did, do and will. I hate me. I hate you. Go die with your girlfriend. I hate your lies. I hate you I hate you, I hate everything about you now. I want you out. I want you gone. Would you leave for me? Go away so I don't have to think of everything I will always be missing. You see, though I am nothing to you, only a toy, I do have a soul. I don't lie to those I care about and when I said I liked you, I meant it. I wanted to be with you, I just wanted time. You didn't. Though you can just tease me and make me wish I could press against you, hold you, be held and kiss you, even though I cant, I wont do that to you. I cared. I would be hurting myself by doing those same things you do to me now because I do care, did care. You didn't, you don't. I hate you.
No comments:
Post a Comment