Not too bad today. I stayed up all last night, of course, and David woke me up early this morning. I got to the school, turned in my sanded IM2 book and left. I apparently owe ten dollars for late books. I know I already paid this. Dirty fucks. I hate all that round about bullshit. Why can’t they just give me my fucking locker? Aw, I kinda screwed Roseanna on this one too. She is like the sweetest, nicest, most kind person I have yet to meet. Just because I didn’t turn that stupid book in, she has to wait for her locker as well as I. Not fair for her and I feel like shit on toast for doing it. I still have her ID too. I’m so fucked up in the head. I should have sanded the fucking number off before school ended and turned it in then, instead of putting it off. This sucks for Roseanna. Stupid lockers screw me up every year. And on a completely different note, I went with David to the mall today so he could job-hunt. And want to know something sad? I was completely un-attracted to him. I know . . . how could this be? I don’t know, I just don’t know. Maybe because, and I think I may do this a lot, as soon as I get close enough to have it, I don’t want it. Like that asshole guy at church. The creepy hand holding dude. He kept trying to sit next to me and hold my hand and such. I hated it. But before I noticed how creepy he was, I tried to attract him by talking nicely to him and trying to be close to him. So maybe, that is what I do. I don’t want what I can’t have. I guess that makes me pretty fucked up in the head, but I can get used to that. I don’t want a boyfriend. Not for a while maybe. Until then, I don’t think David is a prospect anymore, at least until I can’t have him. But that makes no sense. Because when David was with Nameless, I didn’t like him like that. This all only happened recently. The liking and not so much liking him. And, at the mall, today he wouldn’t stop being stupid or rude. He doesn’t understand courtesy. Or proper subject matter. But then, I am a priss most of the time. I hate rudeness, ignorance and a desire to not learn. The former most and the latter most are actually branches of ignorance as well. And we all know that I cannot stand ignorance. It just annoys the hell out of me. How can he be so attractive one day then, BAM, so not the next? Not fair. Well, with things the way they are between us, nothing can go wrong. Neither of us wants a “real” relationship with the other right now. So, therefore, no commitment on either side. I don’t have to make any decisions now because there are none to make! My lord, this may all work out. Am I really mean? No, I don’t think so. I think that right now I am just being honest with myself, which is what my blog is all for. And of course he, and everyone else I know, will read it as well and know how I feel exactly. Thank god for friends like Heather, Ashley, Me, Myself and I. I love you all. Such wonderful people. I tell both of you everything, for the most part. Oh Jesus, because I copied snatches of HTML code from another blog, a blogger help site looks just like mine, except for the spacing and such. I could have cried. But I wouldn’t because that would be stupid. Either way, this means that I must start on a new code . . . with no snatches, from anywhere hopefully. What should my new color scheme be? Should I use a template from a website? Help, I feel all out of creativity today and need a hand with this. Maybe I should do a black grey . . . or dusty blue colors . . . this could be fun. I may want to change all the everything but probably not. I think I will just do another color scheme. I’m much too fond of this look. Streamlined, professional and easily modified. I will figure it out later. All this thinking about high school drama. Ah fuck, again, Mother is fucking blaming me for that sad worthless shit they call their youngest daughter. I’m trying to help fucking Mother clean the house for her guests and of course Andrea fucking sits there like a lard ass and picks at the lasagna I made. I was fucking pissed because, one, I was working and again Annie is just eating and, two, because she ruined the damn thing because I put it there to set. Fucking bitch couldn’t resist food for another hour. Oh my god she has to eat and ruin whatever she can. What was I thinking, trying to stop Annie from eating? We all know she can’t resist shoving her own face while others are working. She makes up so much bullshit that she stinks, the piece of shit. Why the hell didn’t the doctor just tie Mothers fucking tubes, like she had asked. Parents didn’t want her, I still don’t want her and no man will want her to live with forever. My god, I would trade sisters with Ashley but Ash said no. Even Ashley knows how retarded Annie is. Just writing that fucking whore’s name makes me feel like ripping out a few of her extra chins. She keeps trying to bring up that I wrote, once, that she was a talent less “A” student. She yells it across the house, making her look stupider. So what? She is talent less, she gets semi-good grade but she is nothing special. She doesn’t take any advanced courses. She asked to be put in Algebra for 8th grade, but then whined the whole time and had to have everybody help her with her homework. I swear to fucking god, I will not ever help he again. She only acted like she didn’t want the help anyway. Then she would tell dad that I didn’t want to help her, after I had left due to digustion at her stupidice. I hate that shit so much. She is so going to hate high school. I know it. She will realize that nobody thinks she is hard core. Especially when she says that she is a hard core Avril fan. What a loser. And I hope she will soon realize it too. I bet she will start to go anti-Avril and try to hang out with the Distillers fans. BUT THEY WILL KNOW! They will know that she is stupid, fake, ignorant and a poseur(the actual french word that “poser” started from). I have tried do hard to try and help her but she wants to be cool, so she tries way too hard. I don’t think she will be able to get along in high school. She didn’t even go to orientation, which is how I got my start with most of my friends. Just more proof that the Bitch doesn’t know what it takes to get along in high school. I bet she ends up hanging in the fish-bowl. Lol, that would be rich. Oh, back to David for now, I just said something to Morgan( the girl) that deserves a mention here;

MyOtherSN: he was pretty rude for the most part. and he did the self pity thing again
MORGAN: hm. so do you think you don’t like him anymore. or you're just tired of hanging around with him'
MyOtherSN: I dunno... I think it was just way too much David in a short period of time

She agreed, and so I will leave it as that. I am just having a David overload. And maybe we won’t work out anything romantic between us. And that’s okay, we don’t have to. Whatever goes, goes. And I don’t want to be serious with a highs school guy in high school. As far as I have seen, it is all way too much hassle. But, as I keep saying, whatever happens, happens. Maybe I was wrong to tell him I like him and to act the way I did around him. I liked being friends. I also liked it when my Mother didn’t warn me about being “careful” every three minutes. I guess everyone should hate me now. I am being such a high and mighty bitch about my David crap. Who knows why I think I am so much better than everyone else, maybe I just need a reality check. I hate to think that I am cruel but I may be. Or it might be just me being nervous. Or maybe I am only attracted to the chase of it. Damn, I am so sorry if I am that mean. I ask that you not hate me now, wait until I know if I have to hate me too.