Oh fuck I just lost a page and a half post. I am crying now. FUCK! fuck, fuck, fuck. That was so much. I can’t do it again. Lost. My god. That took me more than an hour to write. I lost it trying to press "copy" so WOULDN’T lose it. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe it should be lost. Well it is, no matter if it should be or not. I'm losing all of it. My god, I want it back, you fucking pieces of shit. I told you everything and you don’t even fucking give me an "undo.” It was my first big post on a while. It had everything I wanted to say about how I can’t say what I have to. I like David, I can’t, but I don’t think he like's me. And more shit like that, just slightly less petty and cliche. More profound and thought out. Stuff about how I need to think things out. How I can’t speak unless I wrote it. How much I wish David would shoot me down already and just get it over with. I t will happen, and I know it. Morgan(the guy) really will be the only man to love me and I will have been the one to end love. Oh fucking Jesus why me. I lost it on here and now it is back in me. And I can’t write all that again. One extraction is almost always enough to kill me. And now I have taken it out but I still have to have it in. OH WHY THE FUCK ME? Why does everything I love, want, need try to kill me? I know it's just a blog. But it also me, my thoughts. Pure. How I feel, what I want, need. More than an hour of my thoughts, my mind. All crammed back into my head because I made a stupid mistake. I am adding another alert. After I tell you how much that meant to me, I am putting a new one. Then sleep. Then I will have to find another way to get it out. Screaming is good. My Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, my body feels hollow and my head is too full. All the shit I said, mostly about me, David and Morgan the guy, was so important to me. But I guess there has to be a reason. I WOULDN’T be able to stand all that lost thought if I can’t believe there was a reason to throw away part of my most sensitive mind. Still teary, but better. Mother came into my room and asked me why I was screaming in my pillow. She heard me in her room, over the TV. I guess I was interrupting Captain Kirk or some shit. Well, at least she checked. FUCKING piece of shit bitch. The lost post, I mean. I fucking hate me, why am I so fucking stupid. Lost. All of it, lost