Fourth dimension claustrophobia... I know what this means. I bet this post is all about David.
Hello there. I'm still procrastinating from my bio homework. I'm talking on AIM to everyone. OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! Kelly is talking to me on one of my obscure sn's that I stalked her with. fucking god . . . may she die a slow terrible death. Fucking whore. Oh, thanks to support from Ashley I have the power to use this to my advantage. I will be nice for now . . . then, as she least expects it, I will KILL HER! Well, I was going to do this anyway, but now I can screw with her head at the same time. Always fun as it is so easy. Her mind is so defenseless. So sad. Dude, my posts have not been as long lately. Probably because school and David and the fighting and the dog hearing. The vicious dog hearing for Angel was today. Mother is hella tripping and I don’t know why. Whatever happens, happens now. We can't change things at this point so it is better to just go with whatever turns up. Too bad no one sees things my way. Ah . . . wouldn't the world be great if everyone was me? Maybe not, but since we are on the subject of my greatness . . . I got my STAR scores today in the mail. Aw, man, this is awesome. I got nothing lower than 81st percentile (in Math) and I got a 98th percentile in Language! . Woo hoo! Go me, go me. Really, people should stop making me feel smart or I am going to get as conceited as Fujii. Not a good thing. Fujii can pull it off . . . I cannot. I am far to nice and smart and sweet and humble too. I am so happy about my scores, though. With the grades I get, sometimes I need to remember that I have potential. Sure, people think I am smart for stupid reasons but to see a number telling me that I am intelligent is always a kick. Sometimes it is something I need. To be recognized for that, being good at English. Sometimes I feel lost in the talents of all my friends. Ashley is in honors English, Morgan has graduated and it seems like everyone is already more successful than I am. No, scratch that, everyone IS more successful than I am. And more athletic, attractive and well adjusted. I am left out as the one nobody really wants. Don't argue with me on this one, it will only hurt you more. Dude, Heather, you are right, you have Pieter who loves you so freaking much and pretty much everybody cares about you. Ashley is loved by everyone. Period. She gets all the attention all the perks and she is so attractive I could cry. Not that I hate her for it. I don't, I love Ash and Heather and all the girls who I can never compete with but still love. I would never humiliate myself by trying to compete with these people. I am afraid I am using some of the people close to me to feel wanted. But, even then, I know I am second choice. What a scarily plausible idea. Because I actually didn’t think of it that way until recently. Oh great . . . and now I am listening to depressive alternative music by angry white guys. So sad because I can relate. Recently I have been talking about infidelity quite a bit. I guess I am just a sucker for self induced punishment. And I have thought far too much about what anything means. And Mother is talking about the future to me again recently. I hate that. I cannot even think of what to do next week but I am supposed to outline my life, from here on out, today. Not so fun. . I feel pressed in by time and I do not know how to open the door and step out into my open field. Okay, that was a lot of obscure references so I'll leave it there for you to ponder what I said. Don't worry if you don't get it. Mostly self pity mixed with hormones and insecurity . . .

CMaZ

P.s. I love you all and i swear to god that that will never change. I just hate you all being better than me. Which makes me love you more.