Bored out of my skull... Hateful at the moment too.

I am so full of hate, it is not even funny. I guess I use the word hate too much too. It is supposed to be saved for those situations requiring a STRONG emphasis. Who cares? Not I. Oh hey, I just found the worlds most useless tag ever. A marquee with a behavior modification. This is what it does.and that is all it does. I really have way too much time then I guess that this is now my hobby so what the hell. This is how I spend my time, this is what I do. I don't mean for it to be on the open web but I like web design and I like HTML and I like that some people can relate. I guess I am even kinda glad that some odd person wanted to insult me. I don't actually know if he meant to insult me but he left a fake email address and I see that as really stupid. I try to be polite, except when I am so fucking pissed at some one, like I was when I changed the title of my site on that bar up there. I was getting kinda sick of it just saying the title of my blog up there. I don't change my blog title so I might as well fuck around with that thing up there. Anyway, last night I spent at Ashley's house. In the morning she made me pull weeds. That was pretty fun. This huge weed signed all over me. I had plant ejaculation all over me. Oh Jesus, I know someone will search for the word jism and get my site now. Damnit all to hell. No, this is actually sorta funny. Especially the people who search for hot ren fair pictures of boobs, breasts or whatever and get my site. ALL THIS IS IS A JOURNAL. I swear... People are sick. haha, it is funny though. Anyway, back to plant jism, this huge weed just gushed out all over everything. The ground was white and it was sick. All the while i was fighting the porn-star-plant, Ashley was cutting up worms with her spade. Yeah, we treat all forms of life with respect. Well, at least I do. I'm trying to be chipper but I really am not. I am pretty torn apart. I don't know. Lately everything has been coming back and I guess I am just covering it up better and better. My grades are coming up and that means I must be just fine. I guess, though everything seems better than before on the outside, I feel more and more like killing myself. I feel like killing myself. I wont say it, or even IM it, but I do. Don't ask me about it, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to blog it. I want to feel better and I guess that that the first thing I have to do to feel better is to act like I feel better. Then, maybe, everything will get better, like my grades or mom or something. I mean, now, both of my moms are sick. Ashleys mom is almost like the source for that type of motherly love I want and now she isn't so well and I know that this in no way hurts me nearly as much as it must hurt Ashley, it does hurt. I am afraid that I will lose everything just as I can start to act normal and happy. This is so stupid. I just typed that all really fast and all of a sudden. I don't know why I get like that so swiftly. I capture it at just the right time sometimes. I guess this is why I blog so fucking much. I sit here and wait until I feel all stupid and emotional and I let myself vomit all this emotion to the web for everybody else to stare at and gawk. My whole life is a traffic incident and this is the crime scene and everybody who passes by just stares and stares, rarely, if ever, helping out. I hate that... Nothing I can do about it though. Damn mind vomit. What a gross analogy.