put it in the past

Why is it always so hard for me to express how I feel? I can say stuff that nobody else can in such a straightforward manner that other people are shocked. But when it comes to me, on the inside, it all of a sudden becomes impossible to express. I think that that is the source of all my emo turm. I feel like just crying because I have no idea what to do with myself. And, yes, this does have a lot to do with a guy, I am so fucking stupid. It is over but he can still be the source of so much goddamned confusion. Morgan never made me fell unwanted. He never made me want to be dead. He stopped me from that. He leveled me out. He kept me in balance.
Enough about that. Enough about Morgan. That is all the past and I don't need to ever think about it ever again. David is in the past too. Unfortunately, he doesn't care how I feel or that I still liked him so he would do whatever he wanted. Making me think somewhere that I still had a chance but I didn't. He just wanted me to still like him. He wanted me to still be trailing about behind him. I cant get over a guy if I can still smell him on my clothes. I like that smell, but I know it isn't good to be pinning about a guy who could care less about me that way. All I need is space to get over him. How am I supposed to get over something if it surrounds me and is all everywhere. It's not like he needs to leave or anything. I just can't let myself hold on to vapors like that. I need to let go of what isn't there.